He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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