I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
