we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
