gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My penis needs a shock collar
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
