My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
