i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
