if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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