I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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