I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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