its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
