i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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