oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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