I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
