I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
