the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
