Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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