He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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