i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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