When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
