Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
