Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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