Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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