No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
