I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
