38 yer olds are good kisserssss
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
