she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
