perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
