my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
