After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
