Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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