i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
