i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
