So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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