its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i've created a new STD.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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