Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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