Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
