we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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