Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
