guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
