That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
