Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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