I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
