im six kinds of drunk right now
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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