mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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