Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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