Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
