If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
