he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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