I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
