mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just tell him i said nine months
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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