I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
MIDGETS
????
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
