I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
