we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I have tasted many bathrooms
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
