Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
