he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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