Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
