last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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